Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
