It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
do herpes really smell.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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