Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
