my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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