My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think your dad took our porno
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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