For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
