honey bunches of taint.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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