No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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