woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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