Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
