There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
