I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
