I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
