i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
