are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
