Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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