Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
