I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
