I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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