Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
