trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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