You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
