She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
