wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
