so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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