he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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