Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
