saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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