And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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