yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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