Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
