Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
