Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
