he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
