Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
