Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
