You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
