i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
