He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
