i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
