remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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