whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
