My boss' voice literally gives me gas
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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