Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
