i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
