seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
