it's too hot outside to masturbate.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
