The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
