I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
