i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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