When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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